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I thought you said extra fries. 19. 60. The only power you have is the word no. Begin your days with these powerful, funny affirmations for self-esteem. 240. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. - George Burns. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. Steve Martin Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. Your life is your message to the world. Microchips. 274. 238. I feel great. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! Microchips. 138. 10. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 196. 115. 206. Cindy from Marzahn I train my body. 2. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. Sincerely, the floor. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. 60. 2. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Today I was a hero. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Youre talking to yourself. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Top 10 Funny Affirmations For Self-Esteem, Funny Daily Affirmations To Boost Your Energy, Funny Positive Affirmations For Confidence, 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 101. 1. Bill Murray Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. I am quite fascinating. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. With a cowculator. I am on a seafood diet. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. 151. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest 208. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Jackie Collins, 240. 182. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. How do astronomers organize a party? Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Any text will do. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. I dont need you to remind me of my age at work, I have a bladder that will do that for me. 123. 266. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Because seven ate nine. "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. 278. I believe in what's possible for me. Don't forget to be awesome. 24. 178. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. Why cant you trust an atom? Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. 271. 216. Its scary when it disappears. 192. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. Walter Bagehot. - Bette Midler. 109. 260. Hes dreaming too. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Some when they enter, some when they leave. 121. 8. "Once you choose hope, anything's possible.". 94. 9. I am strong and getting stronger every day. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 269. Your actions become your habits. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 51. Bill Murray, 260. 46. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 206. Similar to how it's important to minimize distractions in the workplace, you need a few minutes of peace to focus and mindfully say your affirmations. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. I tell you what always catches my eye. Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 21. Laughter keeps us from taking life too seriously, and life certainly does everything it can to ensure that we take it too seriously. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. All rights reserved. Learn sign language, its very handy. I am awesome. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. Bill Murray. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. How do you count cows? Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. "Have a great Wednesday. 110 Positive Funny Affirmations To Make You Smile Daily - The Random Vibez When nothing is going right, go left. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. Im like a postage stamp. Stop trying to make everyone happy. My chins are a stairway to heaven. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 118. 205. Cry a river. Be careful when you follow the masses. 249. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. I dont worry about getting older. 253. Lily Tomlin, 242. 179. Oh sheet!. We all need a little energy boost here and there. 119. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. In between, I am alive. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 155. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes: Short Holiday Sayings - Parade Envelope. 18. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. They planet. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 49. 88. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I see the funny side of life more and more. 231. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 191. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. It just plain forms. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". No matter what I look like. 158. 34. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. 226. Raimonda.B. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Bill Murray, 251. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. Love your enemies. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. My cankles will hold me. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 23. You try again, but no sound is coming out. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. I never apologize. 79. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. What do I do for a living? 89. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Benjamin Franklin. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. So far, so good. 7. And one of the fundamental truths in life is that they will make . I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. 15. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. - Kyle Chandler. 12. 237. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. What do you call a bear with no teeth? At night, I cant fall asleep. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits Please do your own research before making any online purchase. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried., 136. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. 86. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 4. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 115. When life closes a door, just open it again. 59. Give your body time to absorb the positivity and let go of negative thoughts. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Youre not tequila., 5. 2. The library, because it has so many stories. 4. Sincerely, the floor. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Helen Giangregorio Roy Lichtenstein Albert Einstein. Then you stand in front of the mirror, take a deep breath in, open your mouthwait, this is funny. 188. - Jeffrey Gitomer. 5. 40. 91. 205. 140. 3. 177. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. 224. Whatever the case may be, these 15 affirmations will make you feel confident in your sense of humor: Once youre feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. 111. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 91. I release all shame about my body. 15. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. 26. 145. Honolulu, its got everything. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 276. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Ive made it from the bed to the couch. 133. 99 Positive Morning Affirmations You Can Use Daily You were too lazy to read that number. 160. - F. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. When they go away, its a brighter day. I can always think of something funny to say. As you can see, laughter is already a powerful tool on its own. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 250. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. 180. Affirmations are a great way to change your mindset. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. I dont need excuses, because I never mess things up. Never take life seriously. You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 80. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. We have a connection. 210. Swimming trunks. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. Benjamin Franklin 28. George Burns, 253. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Some people are like clouds. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. 2. I am loving all the bad experiences because they are giving me something . Breasts dont have eyes. 1. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Hi! If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. Keep your affirmations in the present. Just like every Monday does on Earth. 57. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Mind blown! 233. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? 183. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I am on a seafood diet. 97. Art doesnt transform. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? Nobody gets out alive anyway. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Happy Birthday.". 76. 99. Words have the power to make or break us. 113. Chris Rock, 256. Its okay, he woke up. Life always offers you a second chance. Robert Bloch 248. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Henny Youngman, 246. At night, I cant fall asleep. You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. "We . 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom 67. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. 261. Everyone brings happiness to this office. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. 42. A mind is like a parachute. 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think 22. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. Life is becoming easier and less serious. 90. 273. 70. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 69. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. 242. Some people are like clouds. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. 162. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. Think about all the things you're struggling with in your life. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. East Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 81. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 277. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 44. 203. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 274. Life always offers you a second chance. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. No, but April may. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Read the first word again. 55. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 174. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Best friends eat your food. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.